The Irken who Doomed Christmas
by Tallest Silver
Summary: Based on "The Grinch who Stole Christmas." Great little poem, please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Every Hum (pronounced hyoom)  
down in Hum-vill  
liked Christmas a lot,   
but the Irken who lived  
just north of Hum-vill  
did not...   
His name was Zim,   
and he hated this season.   
But please don't ask why,   
even he knows no reason.   
It could be, perhaps,   
that his boots were too tight,   
or maybe his antennaes weren't  
stuck on just right.   
But I think that  
the most likely reason of all,   
may have been that he's short,   
he's the shortest of all!   
But whatever the reason  
his height or his boots,   
he stood there on Christmas eve  
in his Irken suit.   
Staring down from his lair  
with a sour, Zimmy frown,   
at the warm, jolly windows  
below in the town.   
For he knew every Hum  
down in Hum-vill beneath,  
was busily hanging  
a cheery Hum wreath.   
"And they're hanging those sock things!"  
he snarled with a sneer.   
"Tomorrow is Christmas,   
it's practically here!"   
Then he growled with his Zim fingers,   
nervously drumming.   
"I must find some way to keep  
Christmas from coming!"   
...for tomorrow I know... All the pathetic Hums,   
will wake up with glee.   
To see what that Sandy Clause,  
left under their trees.  
And then all the noise,  
if there's one thing I hate.  
I HATE all the noise,  
from their excitement of wait...  
Then the Hums, young and old  
will sit down to a feast.  
And they'll feast and they'll feast!  
And they'll feast Feast FEAST FEAST!!!  
They'll feast on Hum pudding,  
and rare Hum roast beast,  
augh, roast beast is a feast  
I can't stand in the least!  
And then...they'll do something,  
I hate MOST of all...  
Every Hum down in Hum-vill  
the tall and the small.  
They'll stand close together,  
with ring-makers ringing.  
They'll stand, hand in hand...  
and those Hums...will start SINGING...  
*Gaz and Dib and all the other kids and people from IZ gather around a huge tree and hold hands and sway back and forth to some music*  
Fa Hum forez da Hum dorez  
welcome Christmas bring your light.  
Fa Hum forez da Hum dorez  
welcome in the cold, dark night!  
Welcome, welcome, da Hum fa Hum  
Welcome, welcome, ra Hum ha Hum  
Christmas day is in our grasp,  
so long as we have hands to clasp...  
And they'll sing and they'll sing  
and they'll sing  
SING  
SING  
SIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!!!!  
And the more that Zim thought of this  
whole Christmas shpeel,  
the more that he thought,  
"I must stop this whole deal!"  
Even though I've no thought,  
of what Christmas is 'bout.  
I must stop it at once!  
Drown all of their cheer out!  
Then he got an idea...  
an AWFUL idea...  
That Zim got a wonderful,  
awful idea...  



	2. Chapter 2

"I know JUST what to do..."  
Zim bellowed in his throat.  
"Why, I'll make a quick Sandy Claws  
hat and a coat!"  
Then he chuckled and laughed,  
"What a great plan from Zim!  
Why with Saint Nick's onsomble,  
they'll all think I'm him!"  
*music plays again*  
You're a green one, Mr. Zim,  
you really are a brute.  
"Why I'll use a sleigh to get there,  
or even better, use my voot!"  
shouted Ziiiiii-im!  
He's a bad banana with a...  
greasy black peeeeel!  
"All I need is a reighndeer..."  
So Zim looked around,  
but since reighndeer were scarce,  
there was none to be found.  
But did that stop Zim?  
HAH! He thought, then he said,  
"If I can't find a reighndeer,  
I'll MAKE one instead..."  
So he took his S.I.R., Gir,  
yes, a S.I.R.'s what I said.  
And he bolted some sticks  
to that tiny Gir's head.  
Then he loaded some bags  
in the trunk of his voot,  
and he hitched up Gir,  
and looked for the fastest route.  
Then Zim yelled, "onwards, Gir!"  
And the voot started on,  
and they'd just reached the town,  
after the setting of the sun.  
All the windows were dark,  
no one knew he was there.  
All the Hums were all dreaming  
sweet dreams without care.  
When he came to the first little house in the square...  
"This is stop number one."  
The old Zimmy Claus hissed,  
as he climbed to the roof,  
empty bags in his fist.  
Then he slid down the chimney,  
a bit small for him,  
"But if Santa can do it  
than I can!" said Zim.  
He got kinda stuck,  
for a second or more,  
than he slipped,  
and fell with a thud on the floor.  



	3. Chapter 3

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue,  
where the little Hum stockings hung all in a row.   
"These sock things," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
Then he slithered and slunk,   
with a smile most unpleasant,   
around the whole room  
and he took EVERY present.   
Pop guns, bycicles!   
Rollerskates, drums!   
Checkerboards, teddy bears!   
Popcorn and plums!   
And he stuffed them in sacks,   
then Zim, very nimbly,   
stuffed all the bags one by one  
up the chimbley!   
Then he slunk to the icebox,   
and took the Hums' feast.   
He took the Hum pudding!   
He took the rost beast!   
He cleaned out that icebox,   
as quick as a flash.   
Why, that Zim even took  
the last can of Hum hash!   
He stuffed all the food  
up the chimney with glee.   
"And NOW," grinned Zim,   
"I will stuff up the tree!"   
As he looked at the tree,   
and around it he prowled.   
He heard an unpleasant voice,   
give a small growl.   
He peeked around the tree fast,   
and he saw a small Hum.   
Little Gazy-lou Hum,   
stood in the doorway of the room.   
She stomped over to Zim,   
and he squeaked like a mouse,   
Gazy-lou bellowed,   
"Why are you in my house!?"   
But you know, that old Zim  
was so smart, and so slick,   
that he thought up a lie  
and he thought it up quick!   
"I was just checking to see  
that this tree was still...green!   
And oh, lookit that!   
It's the greenest I've seen!"   
And his fib fooled the child,   
and he broke a fake grin,   
and when Gazy closed the door to her room,   
Zimmy locked her in.   
And when he was sure,   
she was soundly asleep,   
he shoved the tree up the chimney,   
making not one single peep.   
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.   
The last thing he took  
was the log for their fire!   
On the walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.   
And the one speck of food  
that he left in the house,   
was a crumb  
that was even too small for a mouse.   
(then he snuck back in and took that too...)   



	4. Chapter 4

Then he did the SAME thingbr  
/brto the other Hums' housesbr  
/brleaving crumbs much too smallbr  
/brfor the other Hums' mouses! br  
  
/brTwas a quarter past dawn, br  
/brall the Hums, still a-bed. br  
/brAll the Hums, still a-snooze, br  
/brwhen he packed up his sled. br  
  
/brHe packed it up with presentsbr  
/brand ribbons! And wrappings! br  
/brThe tags and the tinsel! br  
/brThe trimmings and trappings! br  
  
/brThree thousand feet up. br  
/brUp the side of Mount Fillit, br  
/brhe rode with the loadbr  
/brto the tiptop to spill it! br  
  
/br"Pooh-pooh to the Hums!" br  
/brhe was Zim-ish-ly humming. br  
/br"They're finding out nowbr  
/brthat no Christmas is coming!" br  
  
/brHe looked over at Gir, and saidbr  
/br"I know just what they'll do! br  
/brTheir mouths'll hang open a minute or twobr  
/brthen the Hums down in Hum-vill will all cry BOO-HOOOOO!" br  
  
/br"That's a nose," grinned Zim, br  
/br"that I simply MUST hear!" br  
/brSo the two of them paused, br  
/brand listened carefully to hear. br  
  
/brAnd they did hear a soundbr  
/brrising over the snow... br  
/brit started in low... br  
/brthen it started to grow. br  
  
/br*background of the Hums all singing*br  
/brBut the sound wasn't sad! br  
/brWhy this sound sounded merry! br  
/brIt COULDN'T be so! br  
/brBut it WAS merry! VERY! br  
  
/brEvery Hum down in Hum-villbr  
/brthe tall and the small, br  
/brwere singing! br  
/brWithout any presents at all! br  
  
/brZim hadn't stopped Christmas from coming! br  
/brIT CAME! br  
/brSomehow or other, it camebr  
/brjust the same! br  
  
/brAnd Zim, with his Zim-feetbr  
/brice cold in the snow, br  
/brstood puzzling and puzzling: br  
/br"How could it be so...?" br  
  
/brHe turned back to Gir and said, br  
/br"It came with out tags! br  
/brIt came without packages! br  
/brIt came without BAGS!!!" br  
  
/brHe puzzled and puzzed, br  
/brtill his puzzler was sore, br  
/brthen Zim thought of somethingbr  
/brhe hadn't before... br  
  
/br"Maybe Christmas," he thought, br  
/br"doesn't come from a store." br  
/br"Maybe Christmas...perhaps... br  
/brmeans a little bit more..." br  
  
  
/brAnd what happened then? br  
/brWell, where all Hums reside, br  
/brthey say that ol' Zimmy, br  
/brgrew taller inside... br  
  
/brAnd the minute his heartbr  
/brdidn't feel quite so tight, br  
/brhe whizzed with his loadbr  
/brthrough the bright morning light! br  
  
/brHe brought everything back, br  
/brall the food for the feast! br  
/brAnd he...he himself... br  
/brZim carved the roast beast... br 


End file.
